The past weekend I spent with Leighn has made me decide a lot about my views on love. Leighn had a boyfriend named Sanders. I totally love Sanders. He is one of my best friends. I honestly cannot lose him. Leighn and Sanders are (as of last week) taking a break. I went to stay with Leighn but she ditched out on me for some asshole and I ended up at her house by myself talking to..Sanders. This morning I went to see him and Sloan and she came along. The whole time I was remembering my vocabulary terms in psychology. I really really hope Leighn gets back with him. I mean I really really hope so.
Anyhow. I began thinking on the 45 minute drive home about love. I'm a virgin. I have honestly been in love once. Once in all of my 17 years and it turned on me faster than I had a chance to accept. My heart was hurt. I kept thinking about him. To this day I still remember all he said and did. It's been 2 years and I still feel like I only lost him days ago. And yeah I was only 15 but, I gave my whole heart. Never once did I tell myself to have my guard up. Never once did I warn myself or even suspect the kind of pain I was walking into. When he broke up with me I never thought it would turn out like it did. I thought I would never let anyone else in. Eventually I did though. I learned. I kept my guard up and I stood up for myself and I didn't get hurt as bad. I still got hurt but, I'm a teenage girl. It's inevitable.
Which brings me to my conclusion I guess. I honestly believe that two people can meet and be in love for the rest of their lives. I really do. I don't think you have to look around and shop before you buy. I think if you find an awesome deal..get that shit while you can!! I hope I have a love like the kind I believe in. I don't ever want to have to go through a divorce. I don't want to have that on me. I just want to love. I am really optimistic right now. Like forreal. I feel good. I really think I am on a good road right now.
I'm going to bed now. My stupid dog is rolling around in my comforter and I have to go kill him. Sleep tight.
Don't stop being optimistic. I was hurt for the first time s badly. I went on a cycle of really mean and destructive behavior before I met my wife, who showed me that true from God is possible and exists for those that seek Him. You remind me on me when I was a teenager.
ReplyDeleteI hope that's a good thing :)
ReplyDeleteIt kinda is?!? Depends of the path your follow.
ReplyDeleteI understand that advice. Kinda like when Yoda is explaining to Luke about how powerful the darkside is only he is also explaining that if he chooses the right path ,he will become an all-powerful Jedi in a positive way. Rather than having to hurt people and shit.
ReplyDeleteSo I just have to make good choices..