Flesh.

I had a mental breakdown today. I haven't told anyone. Technically..now I have lol. I found a letter that David wrote to me just a few months before he passed away. I know this sounds so psychotic but, I still don't feel like he is gone. I feel him everywhere. I see him in objects and he still talks to me inside my head. I never realized until today. I just try so hard to keep him. I've created all these rituals to stop him from slipping away from me. Saying goodbye to him was such a mistake. He never left. He is still here. I can feel him. I can't seem to stop crying. I feel like there is a big hole in my heart that air keeps pushing through and as I read his words the hole just closed and left me trapped with the hollow space of nothing but memories. I love him. Is it wrong that I am being selfish? That I want him here. I never want him to leave. He's my Davey. I can't lose him now. I won't.
On the subject of feeling empty: I haven't eaten an actual meal in a little over three days. Idk. At school I just hate the food ,and usually I am starving by 12'o'clock..but after I went two days without lunch my stomach just kinda shrunk or something. I don't really need food at lunch. So I will just fill my tummy with water. Maybe that will help with my weight loss. I am so sick of being chubby. Darn chub rubs. I wanna get to at least 103 by Christmas. I think I can.
Aaanyways..
I am going to get some sleep now. Meeting for Black Death tomorrow. It's a spirit club for our football team. I am leading it this year. I'm pretty excited about it! So I'll try to let you know how that goes. Sweet Day to you :)