Meet thy neighbors..

Alex isn't sick. Turns out I just been feeding him too much. He's totally fine.

We move September 21st. Officially.

I bought my cap, gown, tassle, and memory book today.

I am now 106 pounds. Almost there.

I also have a dinner date with my art teacher tomorrow.
Alyssa and I asked her and her bf to meet up with us.
She accepted.

I feel good.
For once in a good while,
I actually feel satisfied :)

May the fates bless you all.

A Day In The Life

Alex is sick today. He won't eat and is just resting at the bottom of his bowl. I held him for a little while. He seems to be breathing well. I also cleaned his water and put an airlyseft in with him. He loves the bubbles. I am taking him to the vet in 20 minutes. She said he might have the ick. I hope not. That's like the worst fish killer!! If Alex dies..I don't know how I will ever go on :(
So I finished unpacking everything last week. Mom told me this morning she signed all the papers and we get to move on September 21st. Yay. Get to re-pack everything. Woo freaking hoo.We got our asses kicked at the football game too. we left early because we were losing. I think the final score was like 38 to 7? I'm not sure but, it was terrible. We play the Titans this Friday. Hopefully we win.
Well I'm off to see the fish doctor. Think positive for my Alex. He's my life.

Fuck Drugs!

Today was actually amazing. I felt way better. Like a superhero. Maybe I built up so much of an immune system that I'm like superhuman now. Eh. So about the title. Yeah.
Kelcie left a baggy of cocaine in her car. Her Dad found it. She blamed it on me. Oh wait. As he explained to Papa Jay "Well she didn't blame Ashleigh..but she said there were two people in her car..and it wasn't Taylors." Hmm. Sounds like a blame to me. Anyhow. I didn't get in any trouble. Mom and Jay believe me :D
Tomorrow we go to Carrolton Georgia. Playing the Trojans! Mahaha! Since I haven't really gone into detail about my spirit squad, prepare to be amazed..

We call ourselves "Black Death" for a reason. When you see the band march out and take their positions on the field, you notice a line of seven fully cloaked reapers, marching steadily behind. When the football players line up behind their break-away banner: BANG! Like a bullet from a smoking gun!! We drop our cloaks! We have on full costumes. There is: The Reaper, The dead cheerleader, The zombie, Davey Jones, Medusa, Dead Zeus, and The Undertaker!! We run across the field like smoke on the water, with our flags high above us spelling out the reason for your fear "O X F O R D" and behind the D flows our most important flag "Black Death" with our Pirate James..head in hand..screaming at our rivals "Beware The Sting!!!"

Then after we look all cool we run around and scream like a bunch of drunken idiots. Ehh who can blame us. Tomorrow night we came up with a cheer since were playing the trojans (uh-oh) "WERE THE ONES THAT YOU SHOULD FEAR!! DAD BROKE THROUGH YOU, NOW WERE HERE!!" Lmao. If you think too much on it..it turns stupid. If you ever would wanna see pictures I have a facebook. It's kinda the bomb. Ashleigh Desiree'.
And I will leave you with that bit. Goodnight.

Dear Diary,

I fell sick today.
Passed out.
Woke up in Nurses office.
Drove home.
Passed out.
Woke up.
Blogged.
Sleep..

Headache.

I am begining to think maybe this whole diet I am on is maybe bad for me. I'm starting to feel shitty. Maybe that's just because I am a total puss puss. I have been running a mile every single day and I only eat dinner. I drink lots of water though, so I don't get dehydrated. Today when I got out of class I went to my car to go home and I swear I thought I was going to pass out. I'm fine now though. I will be better after I sleep!
I just took a shower with music playing and I believe I stumbled upon my senior quote: Ahem.. "Nothing good comes easily, sometimes you have to fight." It's from a song called "Amber" by 311 or Sublime..or someone. I'm pretty sure it's 311. Almost positive.
Well I have to go do my sit-ups and read some. Goodnight.

(P.S. I am starting to just think of this blog as a diary. That's alright because I do better in one way conversations to be quite honest)

What Would Jesus Do?

I spent today with my family. It makes me sad to think this is kinda my last year with them. In less than 9 months I will be out of the house. I will keep in touch and of course see Mom every week. It just won't be the same though. It feels very surreal. I feel like I should still be asking her to take me places and fill out papers and sign her name. I love them so much. I wish Mom and Jay would get married. They are so perfect for one another. I want a soulmate to share a love as epic as theirs. It will come though.
Yesterday I read a blog that really opened my eyes. What if God does still love me? I mean I have hated him and even worse..I refused to believe in him and thank him and appreciate him. I was thinking though, what if God took David for some sick and retarded purpose. If he hadn't have taken David I wouldn't be here at this point in my life. I wouldn't have learned to live with who I am. I don't know if my words make as much sense as my thoughts do. It's like I have what I want to say how I want to say it but, when it comes out it's just a puzzle of words and phrases.
My diet is going good. I only ate like 900 calories today. Only had water and green tea. Nothing sweet besides gum when I got really hungry. I also bought some more vitamins. They taste like cherry. I think I ate like half the bottle already haha. Tomorrow is school. Ugh. I have two C's already and I will probably get my car taken away within the next few weeks. Which sucks balls. Big hairy balls. But a kid like me gets over little shit like that real quick. The way I see it: more time to make bracelets and watch Ghosthunters.
Ehh. I'm off to take my shower now. Goodnight.

You gonna make biscuits??

Hola amigos! Well Friday was my first Senior Football game for Black Death (my spirit squad) we fucking tore it up!! We had huge black and gold flags and we dressed in all black and gold!! It was super fun. This upcoming Friday we are going to Georgia. I'm psyched because I have such awesome people cheering with me. It is so fun fun fun! I even bought alex a little golden skull that says "Black Death 2011" on the side. He doesn't much like it. He wants me to be home to feed him every hour like in the summer lol. He's a fatty.
Speaking of fatty. My diet is going so great. The first few days were terrible but I have found so many things to do to keep my mind off eating! I also picked up an alternative habbit to my beloved Mountain Dew. *drumroll* green tea!! It's actually quite repulsive..but it makes me feel super full..mahaha. I am more hopeful about losing weight now. It sounds bad to say but after I get past the hunger nothing can stop my determination!!
Leighn and I are weird at the moment. I mean we talk every day of course..but she keeps asking me what I am upset about and it's pissing me off cause nothings wrong and pissing her off cause she thinks I don't want to tell her when in all actuality there isn't a damn thing wrong!!! AHH BALLSACK!! I mean yeah I love her. No shit. Like I would die without her. She is the Cosette to my Valjean..but Holy Be Jesus..I wish she wouldn't worry.
Oh and my theatre group isn't performing "Night of the Living Dead" which was the only last joy I had in my pathetic little social life...so fml :)

Flesh.

I had a mental breakdown today. I haven't told anyone. Technically..now I have lol. I found a letter that David wrote to me just a few months before he passed away. I know this sounds so psychotic but, I still don't feel like he is gone. I feel him everywhere. I see him in objects and he still talks to me inside my head. I never realized until today. I just try so hard to keep him. I've created all these rituals to stop him from slipping away from me. Saying goodbye to him was such a mistake. He never left. He is still here. I can feel him. I can't seem to stop crying. I feel like there is a big hole in my heart that air keeps pushing through and as I read his words the hole just closed and left me trapped with the hollow space of nothing but memories. I love him. Is it wrong that I am being selfish? That I want him here. I never want him to leave. He's my Davey. I can't lose him now. I won't.
On the subject of feeling empty: I haven't eaten an actual meal in a little over three days. Idk. At school I just hate the food ,and usually I am starving by 12'o'clock..but after I went two days without lunch my stomach just kinda shrunk or something. I don't really need food at lunch. So I will just fill my tummy with water. Maybe that will help with my weight loss. I am so sick of being chubby. Darn chub rubs. I wanna get to at least 103 by Christmas. I think I can.
Aaanyways..
I am going to get some sleep now. Meeting for Black Death tomorrow. It's a spirit club for our football team. I am leading it this year. I'm pretty excited about it! So I'll try to let you know how that goes. Sweet Day to you :)

I've Senior Momma Naked..

..and it aint' too pretty! Okay..so I was super super busy last week but hopefully things will start slowing down some now. I am back on normal school schedule now. I go to bed and wake up earlier. I wonder if Leighn and I will even sleep once we get to college. I hope not. I love her still but I am very concerned. She is really upset and won't tell me what happened. It pisses me off and gets me in a horrible mood. I must know!!
Mom changed her mind. We are not moving. So I got the joy of UN-packing all the shit I packed the last 2 weeks. It seems weird throwing out a bunch of crap. I had all these cool little toys. Part of me wanted to keep them but the other part was like "Nahh..whattayah need em for??" And I went with that part. Maybe some kid in a foreign country will dig them out of the trash. Wow. That was a dick comment..but I meant it in a good way.
So I colored my hair brown today. It is already getting longer. I have been doing yoga and eating healthier. I feel better. I also picked up this book about religion. NOT saying I love God again..but I do have a certain respect for Him now. The hardest part of this change for me? I have vowed to not drink Mountain Dew. I love the way it tastes. More than anything else in this world..but it makes me fat. So I only drink water now. I have also become very fond of peaches lately. The fruit not the band. Everytime I eat one I sing the song "Peaches" by The Presidents of The United States of America. Speaking of presidents (irrelevant) I believe I am going to lyrics from a Ben Folds song for my senior quote. I am thinking "These days that you have waited for will come and go like any day. Just another day." But..it seems very..ehh..whatstheword?? Negative? Depressing? Idk..anyways. I need a quote. And sleep!! So I am hitting the hay now :)

She Must Be A Lesbian

Today was my last first day of high school ever!! It went pretty well. We had orientation all morning and the seniors go last. So I sat in homeroom for about 3 hours. Well..technically I slept for like 2 hours. We watched the discovery channel and I kinda zoned out and dozed off. I have to walk like three miles to get from 4th period to 5th period. Which is super gay. I have been trying to lose weight though so maybe it will help out some. I have been setting limits for how much I eat. Like only a piece of fruit and water for breakfast (Hollidays not included) and something simple for lunch. Today I had one slice of pizza and a scoop of pineapples. I weigh about 117 now. I want to get down to at least 104 by the end of school. I'm only 5'4 so I feel like if I am going to be short..I can't be fat too. Psychology class is going to be crazy. The people in there are so funny. Within the first 5 minutes of class we had already opened a class discussion on serial killers, child molesters, magicians, and naked women. My teacher said "Well magicians do use a lot of psychology. Me being a married heterosexual woman..even I want to stare at half naked assistants to see if something pops out.." Mahahahahahahaha!! Wow. Best Teacher Ever. In 6th period Enviromental Science we watched The Suite Life On Deck. Haha. And then theatre. Theatre is always just theatre. We talked about plans for this school year. I'm really kinda pissed that I have to be in a class with Theatre III kids. Being a Theatre IV kid I feel better than those filthy little imbeciles. One kid pissed me the fuck off and is already on my badside. Talking shit to my Kelcie. Better watch himself. I'll cut em' and they won't never find his body..
After school Leighn came over to play. Mahaha. Play. She got a cute car! When I drove through Wal-Mart parking lot to find her she said "Roll down your window and follow the horn..". Eventually I found her and she came to my house to get her senior pictures. We put Hair Mousse in my floor. My carpet is all hard now. It wasn't a good idea at all forreal. Like it cost me 25bucks for that mousse and now my capet is fucked up. What good came of that?? Who knows. Who knows. Anywaysss. She messed around in Alex's fishtank and pissed him off. I really look forward to the fun we are sure to have when we get our own house. Her Mom is wanting to move to Pell City. She is just going to give us her apartment that she lives at now. Which is weird. It will be so weird living by ourselves. Fun though right? Of course. Of course. Of course. Duh..
After I dropped her off at her car I came home to eat dinner. I think my body knows about me wanting to lose weight so badly. I started to eat my chicken alfredo and I only got like six bites before I wanted to throw up. I took it as a sign from the fates and threw the rest away. Secretly I am kind of happy. Before college I want to look like my dream me. Tiny tummy. Toned legs. Long hair. And cool fashion sense. Okay. So letsmakeithappennn :)